Like any normal astrologer would, when I first met my (now) husband, I made him cough up the details of his date, time and place of birth before our first official date. He naively agreed, and after looking at his natal chart for about five minutes, I thought, “Sure, sounds good, I’ll take him!”
More than seven years later, do you want to know what’s the secret of a happy and strong relationship? The fact that I’ve spent no more than five minutes analyzing his natal chart. In other words, I barely took a good look at it at all and definitely didn’t think through what I saw – which is now my exact professional advice when it comes to relationships and astrology! Do not overthink it when it’s way too early.
Is Astrological Compatibility a Myth?
My unpopular opinion is that at the initial stage of a relationship, when you are just getting to know each other, looking at astrological compatibility is unnecessary.
Synastry (a fancy word for astrological compatibility analysis) is actually something that works very well and can paint you a very clear picture of your relationship just like a good couple’s therapist. However, this clarity can only be achieved through a thorough analysis of both individuals – when you can properly construct both natal charts, understand who the person in front of us is, each separately, and then overlay one onto the other and think about how it all works together. At the same time, analyzing a natal chart is not about looking into a crystal ball and seeing all the answers to your questions. It’s about dialogue with the client – not only providing interpretation but also asking the right questions so that they can piece together a clear puzzle from the information and integrate it. We just don’t have access to it when we don’t have the other person present for a consult. Without interaction, without the painstaking work of a trained astrologer, any attempt to analyze compatibility turns into throwing spaghetti at the wall.
Perhaps, the most important point is that relationships and partnerships are matters of the heart, and not reason. While a list of non-negotiables is clearly important, everything else should come down to following your heart. If you try to add logic to the mix too soon, you risk making hasty conclusions based on your own projections, which can quickly confuse and lead us astray.
On the other hand, analyzing compatibility with the help of astrology can be useful when you are decisively entering into a partnership. A strong partnership is about communication, about removing rose-colored glasses and expectations from the partner, under which they did not sign, it is also about choosing (!) to love and respect the person as they are, first and foremost. Now that is when it is helpful to turn to compatibility analysis because it will indicate where the pitfalls are hidden, why your partner does something this way and not the other, and how you can effectively interact with it. Again, the focus is on interaction, not on remaking a person in front of you. Relationship astrology can be beneficial, and not simply entertaining, once you have decided that you are ready to invest time and effort in this particular person.
Of course, you can still obtain helpful information from synastry in the early stages, but most likely, your brain may simply not perceive it objectively when it’s too early. Rather, it may result in premature judgments and conclusions that won’t particularly help in building a supportive partnership.
Your Relationship Can Benefit When You Understand Your Own Natal Chart
You might start to wonder then, well, what’s the point of astrology, if you can’t use it to vet a potential life partner (which, arguably, is one of the most important life decisions)? This is when I offer you some tough love – start with your own self. As the famous Bible verse suggests, before you notice the splinter in another’s eye, try to perceive the wooden beam in your own. In other words, before analyzing your partner’s natal chart, get to know your own first.
A natal chart can give you a lot of insight into how you build relationships and partnerships. It can help you understand what circumstances in your life influence your relationships, what other areas contribute to your relationship’s growth, and what kind of partner attracts you in general. Every relationship is a mix of two people’s worlds, so understanding how you approach partnerships as an individual first will give you an insight into how compatible you might be with the other person.
Let’s Practice! DIY Natal Chart
Now, let’s play and DIY your own natal chart analysis. Don’t worry about remembering or understanding the jargon, I will walk you through the important parts below. But in case you’re curious to learn more on your own afterwards, we’ll be working with the ruler of your 7th house.
You may have heard the term “house” in astrology, which stands for an area of life. Seventh House is the area that signifies our relationships and partnerships, and the Ruler will be the planet that influences how this area lives and thrives. Depending on where this ruling planet is in your chart, there is a connection between your sector of relationships and some other area of life.
How to Find the Ruler of Your 7th House
1. Follow this link and enter your birth data to build your natal chart. For this topic, it’s important that your time of birth is as accurate as it can be. You can default to all of the other settings, and just click “Show Chart”.
2. Find the DC letters (right side, middle of the circle) and see which sign it is in. The signs are the symbols located along the outer edge of the natal chart circle. Find yours in the list below, along with a ruling planet.
♈️ Aries is ruled by Mars ♂
♉️ Taurus is ruled by Venus ♀
♊️ Gemini is ruled by Mercury ☿
♋️ Cancer is ruled by Moon ☾
♌️ Leo is ruled by Sun ☉
♍️ Virgo is ruled by Mercury ☿
♎️ Libra is ruled by Venus ♀
♏️ Scorpio is ruled by Pluto ♇
♐️ Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter ♃
♑️ Capricorn is ruled by Saturn ♄
♒️ Aquarius is ruled by Uranus ♅
♓️ Pisces is ruled by Neptune ♆
3. Now find where in your chart is the ruling planet located. Houses are denoted in the middle of the circle by numerals – as in, each slice of the pie is numbered. See which slice of the pie is in your ruling planet.
4. Congratulations! You’ve found where the ruler of your partnership theme resides.
If you’re having trouble, drop a screenshot in the comments or send it to me privately, and I’ll be happy to help.
What Does the Ruler of Your 7th House Say About Your Relationships?
Now, let’s get down to business! What can affect your partnership, which life themes are stimulated by the presence of partnership, and which themes contribute to partnership development? It is also one of elements that may show where you could meet them (but it’s not the only one, so I’d say the reliability of this is 50/50 – but could still be useful!).
If the ruler of the 7th house is in:
1 House – You’re a leader in your relationship! It means you are usually the one choosing your partner, and not the other way around. You are the decision-maker and unlikely to be influenced. You have to take the initiative in the relationship, but at the same time, you’re also likely attracted to an active and dynamic partner. The success and growth of your relationship will depend on what you, yourself, put into it. You can meet your person while being active – whether at the gym, or just during a time of ‘doing’ (whatever that is!)
2 House – Material aspects will be important in the partnership, or your financial situation may be influenced by your partner to some extent. You’re likely to be attracted to someone grounded and well-established financially. You can meet them in a financial institution like a bank or somewhere where people take care of their health (a gym, a doctor’s office, or a wellness retreat).
3 House – Having a mental connection is crucial. You have to have something to talk about with your partner, it has to be someone who shares your curiosity for the world, maybe someone easy-going, ready to go somewhere on a moment’s notice. Your relationship is likely light, friendly, there is no emotional burden from either side. Look for your partner in your close circle or while traveling or studying.
4 House – Emotional connection is everything here. You may desire a traditional family model or seek a partner based on your parental family’s example. Or, sometimes, you may not even want to create your family while you can still live with your parents. Parents can play an active role in your relationships (both positively and negatively), and they might introduce you to your partner.
5 House – A romantic connection is at the forefront here. It’s very important to feel like you both are present in the relationship, both are emotionally involved and close. You want to have shared hobbies and pastimes. Occasionally, there are people with this placement whose primary motivation to get into a relationship is just to have kids as 5th house also rules children. You can meet your person while doing something creative – attending an art exhibit, an event or while on vacation.
6 House – Daily joint activities are needed in this relationship. It’s important for you to feel like you have shared responsibilities you can work on together. However, there’s a risk that relationships may feel like work, so it’s best to find a joint activity where you can both channel this energy, or even just work together. You can meet your person at work, at a doctor’s office or something along the lines of taking care of your health, or at pet lovers’ gatherings or at the vet (6th house signifies animals as well).
7 House – For someone with this placement, it’s incredibly important to have a relationship and settle down. However, as opposed to the First House placement, your partner will play a leading role in your relationship. They will take the initiative and the growth will largely depend on what your partner is willing to invest in the relationship. At the same time, it is super important for you to have a dialogue dynamic in the relationship, so you will be drawn to someone who can listen. You can meet your person during a consultation (on any topic) or at a social event.
8 House – Relationships are a challenging area for you and often cause trials and transformations in your life. You can minimize the challenging impact of this placement if you choose a partner who is professionally involved in dealing with crises – for example, someone who’s a first responder. You’re also attracted to energetically strong people and you have a very strong emotional connection to them. You may find your person while you’re in a critical situation yourself, dealing with financial matters, or attending some sort of energy workshop.
9 House – Having similar moral values and perspectives is very important here. You want to be opening up new horizons for each other. It’s important for your partner to motivate you to grow, expand your outlook. Because of this, your partner may be from another country or just from afar. You can meet your person during travels somewhere far away, in college or some sort of cultural/educational event.
10 House – Labels are important for this placement, so it is likely you value official marriage. You may want to be legally married in order to achieve social status, or conversely, marriage may help solidify your status. Having a partner may stimulate your career. Your partner may be older or just feels like an old soul. You can meet them at work or in some official capacity.
11 House – Having a friendly relationship with the partner is crucial here. Common plans, hopes and dreams, shared interests are necessary. Marriage here is seen as something that will open up doors and horizons for you. Friendship often turns into relationships, which are more mental than emotional. You can meet your person within a friendly circle or in interest groups.
12 House – Relationships with the partner may be somewhat distant – for example, long-distance physically or someone you can’t easily have. They may also just be on business trips constantly. There’s a tendency to hide your relationship in the beginning or just be very private about it overall. Your partner may be from afar, or the introduction may have happened far from home. To soften this placement, it may be good to partner up with someone who’s into psychology, research or has a creative personality and thrives in solitude.
Naturally, these are just some points to consider to better understand yourself, which in turn, can enrich your relationship. These things could be automatic patterns, but they are far from the only picture of your relationship world!
Olga Verkhotina | Astrologer & Life Coach 
Leave a comment